Day 7 & 8 Move-in
Day 7 , move in day, was exhausting. I was tired, Debbie was tired and Mom was exhausted. Dad sat there like a king overseeing court and not doing too much. Well, he did break down boxes. And when Mom found that one of the movers broke the printer cart that went with their computer desk, orders from the Queen came down from on high.
“Raymond, get up and come here.”
“What?” His typical answer because he doesn’t hear.
“Raymond” there was tone, “Get up out of the chair now and come here.”
He heard her that time and went into the office. About 15 second later he comes marching out and asked the one mover “Where’s your boss?” Oh boy….
Mom was doing all the unpacking, but by george, Dad was going to do the dirty work.
Later that night after we had gone back to my sister’s house reports from my brother started coming in. “Dad said that Mom keeps walking around saying ‘I want to go home, Ray. I just want to go home’”
Dad only shares those kinds of things with our oldest brother. He would never tell me or my sister and neither would Mom, but Joel hears it and of course tells us.
My sister and I might have gone too fast for her with unpacking the boxes. We didn’t put much away but we tried to empty boxes and leave things out so she could decide where they would go. Between, me, my sister and the movers she was pulled in too many directions.
I felt bad for her, I truly did. They haven’t moved in 53 years. They have never lived outside the town where they were born. This was CHANGE. Mom never did do well with change. But like I said, she was very very very tired that day.
Monday night at dinner we had a conversation about their neighbor lady across the street at the old house. Somehow, and I honestly don’t know how but again you go with the flow of conversation with my parents, we started talking about how Judy never gave them the camera that was on the table from their 50th wedding anniversary party.
“Did you guys say goodbye to Judy?” I thought I asked an innocent question. I should have known better.
“She takes things into the house Kath, but she never brings anything out.” This from Dad.
“She never did give us that camera back, Ray.”
“Yeah, I asked her for it once and she said she would get it to us. I asked her a second time and she stopped talking to us after that. “ Their 50th anniversary was in 2003.
“Dad, you haven’t talked to Judy in 7 years.”
“Nope, I asked her for that camera twice and then she stopped talking to us.”
“She gets UPS deliveries all the time but we never see anything like boxes or whatever in her garbage.” Trust me, Mom was all over what went on in the old neighborhood. If a UPS truck stopped at someone’s house, she knew it. She was well aware if emptied boxes didn’t show up on the curb on trash day.
“Her brother never comes to visit any more. We haven’t seen him in years. But then the old man gave him his inheritance before he died, Judy had to wait. The house is still in the old man’s name.” How do they know these things?
My sister, “How does she pay taxes?” I see some family tendencies here but I do love our free flow conversation.
I was still stuck on the fact nothing ever came out of the house. “How can nothing ever leave the house?” Then, as the youngest I did what I usually do. “Oh man, Mom she’s a hoarder! Have you seen that show? You had a hoarder across the street. She could have been on TV.”
All at the same time….
My sister: “Kathy….”
My Dad: “Yep, she probably was.”
My Mom: “Oh I don’t know anything about that” Suddenly she knows nothing.
Why tell this story? For a couple of reasons, it was a fantastic conversation and I loved every minute of it. Also, as I unpacked boxes the next day I got to tease my Mom. That was the best part.
Seriously, my mom had all kinds of little, very old, boxes filled with stuff. Just stuff. At first my sister and I would whisper about what we were finding. Then finally I couldn’t hold it in anymore, again, for a couple of reasons. One is because it was too funny and it did make Mom laugh.
“Mom, how many doilies does a person need. Really.” Then every time we’d get a story.
“Oh, that is (fill in the blank) that came from (fill in the blank).”
“Mom, we know what it is. Why did you keep it?” That was my sister being level headed.
Me, “HOARDER!”
She’d just laugh and walk away. She’s used to me. Actually, my Mother is such a neat freak that whenever she would come to my house I’d spend two days cleaning.
The second reason was because what we were finding in the boxes were, at times, not even close to what the labeling on the box indicated. I didn’t tease her about that. She did her best.
I was given the task of setting up their computer.
“Kathleen, you got us into all that. You go set it up.”
“Yes, Dad.”
When they get their cable modem I’ll be getting a call, which I’ll promptly turn over to my husband. Honestly, I’ve never set up internet connections. Mark’s always taken care of it.
Anyway, I was on the hunt for computer parts. The good thing about my Mother is that she kept the boxes that all the computer equipment came in. So I knew that if I saw a printer box the printer was in it. I found the CPU in the HP box but it took me some time to find the monitor. I eventually wandered out to the garage where I found the monitor box…..which was labeled Christmas/Garage. I opened the box and sure enough, the monitor was there. There was no Christmas or anything that belonged in the garage in it. However, there was also stapler and their mouse. Oh, and their web came because Dad learned how to Skype. (Thanks, Joel)
It was about the time when I opened a box labeled kitchen and found two pairs of flip flops and other shoes that I wished I could have made the time to go help her pack. I’m sure it was overwhelming for her. Dad didn’t really help. In his defense, not that he needs any, he walks a double edged sword ( and much to my chagrin I bet my husband understands all too well). If he helps and gets it wrong he hears about it. If he doesn’t help, he hears about it. However, on Wednesday I think all of that changed.
When we got to the house on my last day, Dad was unpacking boxes and he was kind of cranky. My sister and I speculated that there was probably a conversation that took place about my Dad’s lack of effort. Our guess was that Mom laid down the law. She seemed much better and was all smiles. There was sun tea on the patio and the throw rugs were in place. She was getting things under control. I’d say progress was made.
Three times we heard, “I’m not doing too much today. I have my kitchen and bedroom mostly in place. The rest just has to wait.”
I do have to say the place they move into is FANTASTIC! They picked up the community newsletter while at the office Wednesday morning. There is tons of stuff going on all the time. They have already decided to join the Midwest Club. They have no idea what the club does, but they want in. Mom also said she wants to take a computer class and Dad wants to join the garden and fishing club.
I was reading about the all the dancing classes and Dad actually said he’s like to take the ballroom dance class. Mom about fell out of her chair. Of course then he followed up with “after I get my hip fixed”. Ok, so that’s going to be awhile.
I’m happy for them. I really am. They worked hard. They deserve it. I’ll end this the same way I started it. I’m fortunate. My parents, while fragile are not frail. They can get around and still take care of themselves. They are fortunate. They have the sensibility, and the means, to make this kind of major change in their lives. Good for them.
The road ahead won’t get easier and I think we all know this, but for right now they can go and enjoy.
I've posted all the pictures that I took. I gave my camera to my niece the last day so there's a few from her perspective too.
